“Samaritans time”

In the evening after bath and stories, my 7 year old daughter and I have “Samaritans time” together. This is a dedicated, private moment where I pretend to be a Samaritans listener, and my daughter calls up to talk about whatever is troubling her. She begins the time by saying “ring ring, ring ring, ring ring…”

We pretend we don’t know each other when talking, so she can feel more able to speak openly and honestly about what is going on. A bit like what really happens when calling the Samaritans. She knows I won’t offer any personal advice or judgment in the call, but rather I will listen and talk through options with her. Which is decidedly unlike what happens from time to time in the normal parent –> child relationship.

Last week on BBC Radio 4 (Bringing Up Britain: Generation Anxious) there was talk about how best to help a child who experiences anxiety. Apparently anxiety is like ‘weeds in a garden, if you ignore them they only get bigger. Pull them up early’. And this is best done by spending time with the child, one-on-one, listening and talking to them. Phones, mobile devices, computers etc turned off and put away – so they feel important and special enough to have someone take interest in them.

Often now when my daughter comes out of school, wearing that familiar scowl on her face which only appears when something has gone wrong in the playground, she will say “can I have Samaritans tonight?”. And answer is always “yes, of course. We are always here for you.” Just like the real Samaritans service.


Frank Ray

Did you know successful projects depend upon healthy relationships between the people involved? Trust, honesty and openness are required so that problems and issues can be frankly discussed and nipped in the bud. This is how we conduct business at Frank Ray & Associates, a software engineering consultancy I founded. You can also reach me directly at info@frankray.net

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